a little less conversation

dear trevor,

i know that just because you don't say it back or don't respond to my text, doesn't mean you don't feel the same. i don't know why it bothers me when i send you something and you don't say anything back. it's happened a few times before so it really is my fault for keeping on doing it. but i tell myself that i want you to know. that i love you. and how much. sometimes i tell myself to keep things inside. not to share too much. but that is not me. i feel like i am going to burst. i have to tell myself that not everyone does the same things as me. or reacts and sees the same way. but why shouldn't i say what i feel? i'd regret it if i didn't. i know you love me. i see it when you look at me and then smile for no reason. i feel it when you hug me and hold me close. when you brush my hair away from my face. when you kiss me on my head when we watch tv.

i always tell myself, this time.. this time it will be different. no arguments. no discussions. just enjoy each other's company. to hug him back when he hugs me. to kiss him more. to hold his hand when we walk. to live in the moment and not think of the past or the future.

i am curious about you. i do want to know all about you. where you grew up, what you were like growing up. the worst thing you have ever done, and the best thing. your proudest moment. the happiest time of your life. your biggest fear. the saddest day you've experienced. your biggest secret.

i don't know why i am so curious about your past. especially your relationships. i want to know why things ended. why they started. who you've loved.

lately.. i feel this need to satisfy my curiosity about you. to know as much as i can. but without prying. i'd like to tell you about myself too. but there are too many skeletons in my closet. i don't think i can tell you the worst thing i've done. the worst thing that's happened to me. and that doesn't mean i am lying. i'm just not sharing the information. stuff that you don't need to know, cause it would not help our relatioship any. it just might make you look at me in a different light and i don't think i can handle that.