so..

i did some thinking last night and this morning when i woke up.

i missed him when he was away. i know i said i didn't. but when i was with him last night, i felt it.

i came to the decision that i spend too much time looking for sparks and surprises that i am missing out on what is actually going on. he is sincere in what he says and feels and he may not be as expressive as i am or want him to be, but he shows it in his own way. he's never backed down or taken back what he's said or done.

when i finally stopped over analyzing and thinking last night and just enjoyed being with him and what i have.. i had a great time talking to him and just having dinner and watching our movie. he gave me my bday/valentine presents. he went out of his way to find something he thought i would like. he took the time while he was there to think of me.

so.. not settling.. just accepting that i "could" look for the sparks with someone else, have it last for 6 months and still end up where i am right now. or i could just stop fighting it, stop looking for an excuse to not make this work and accept that.. it is possible that this guy here won't hurt me. and he is honest and giving me all that he can offer and all that i could want. because if i am honest with myself, i am happy. i feel loved. and maybe i should stop being scared.