you learn

Live and learn, but don't dwell on the past. Hindsight shouldn't overshadow the here and now. Life experiences shape us and lifelong learning is a hallmark of a life well-lived. So throw away the regrets, let go of all that "baggage" and live your best life through the legacy of your past experiences.

here is now

a little conversation with my sister:

here is now says:
hugh lent me this book that i haven't read and i picked it up yesterday
here is now says:
it's called 'be happy'. reading it, i know that i know those things but i never really applied myself to believe
Cheryl says:
isn't that his favourtie book?
here is now says:
so i am practicing it
Cheryl says:
what are u practicing?
here is now says:
man, it is a lot of work
here is now says:
not worrying
Cheryl says:
heh
Cheryl says:
but remember that email i sent u? i can't even remember it but u seem to remember the title, about not worrying?
here is now says:
i can't control what people are doing, not doing. i can't speculate cause i really don't know
here is now says:
just live in the NOW. not in the past, not in the future. just now. i can dwell in the past and be angry. i can imagine what it will be like in the future and be disappointed
here is now says:
or i can live my life now as it is and accept what is so that i don't look back and wish i did things differently
Cheryl says:
wow.
here is now says:
i can't remember that email
Cheryl says:
those are really good advice
here is now says:
that's my take on it
Cheryl says:
umm, the 90% thing or other.. about not worrying what you can't control
here is now says:
that's how i am going to live my life. try hard anyway
here is now says:
yeah.. that. i've forgotten that
here is now says:
but that applies mostly to outside things. i was talking about immediate things for myself
here is now says:
don't know if that makes sense
Cheryl says:
it does

small talk is so painful

what happened? i don't know what to say anymore. why has it become awkward?

i don't like selfish people

and you are only getting mad now?

what if i do?

man, this 'growing up' thing is hard... i don't like it much. where is my manual? everyone should have a manual.

another one bites the dust

another round in the broken hearts game, over. and i am still standing. i know it will be lonely. and i know i'll have a hard time. but i need time for me. but even though i know that, that is necessary sometimes.. here is my truth: i want companionship. even for all my talk of independence, i never meant relationship wise. i still have my own place, my own life. but i would like someone to talk to at the end of the day. i want the hugs. i want the comforting arms around me. i want love. maybe this time, i'll have learned my lesson.

you can't burst this bubble

do you ever get the feeling of intense happiness or joy that you almost feel like bursting? i do. it doesn't last very long unfortunately, but it happens quite often enough. it's very overwhelming that i want to just go up to everyone i know and hug them. i think people should hug more. when you say hello and especially when you say goodbye. this feeling usually occurs when the sun is out. i remember feeling this a lot when i used to live in surrey and would go to work in the mornings. i would stare out the skytrain and stare at the sharp outline of the mountains and the sun coming up behind them. and i would feel really happy to be alive and glad to be able to enjoy such a sight. and just feeling happy. when i get that way, i just want to call up everyone and tell them how much i appreciate and love them. i get the weird 'what do you want?' look, but i don't care. i'd rather people know. i would.

things i love

traveling. road trips. seeing new places, new things. driving at night with good music on. driving to the beach at night and stargazing. staying up late, listening to music or just staring at the lights/neighborhood. walking at night. sleeping in. staying in to watch movies, play boardgames. dinner with friends and family. bowling. mini-golf. carnivals - at night: the whole ferris wheel, cotton candy, fireworks deal. margaritas. daquiris. dowtown at night. downtown when it is sunny. old houses. halloween. canoeing. being quiet. reading. writing. listening to oldies radio cause it reminds me of growing up. daydreaming. horses. tree climbing. babies, little kids. sleeping. eating - ice cream, chocolate, cake. looking after family. crescent beach. london. UK. Makki. talking to friends, for hours. just being quiet on the couch. laying in bed at night and thinking. cuddling. kissing. holding hands. going for long walks. exploring - trampling in the forest. being adventurous. crossword puzzles. logic games. looking at pictures. museums. cities. talking late at night. yellow. red. sunshine. camping. dancing. piggy back rides. staying indoors and curled in bed when it is raining.