well... it's been a while since i did this and so much has happened. guess i'll have to do a coles notes version for the update.

april
- all 4 wisdom teeth pulled out (still none the wiser)
- LOTS of complications that followed
may
- got laid off
- trevor asked me to move in
june
- still haven't found a job
- stressing out over the move

THE MOVE
i'm too practical, is what it is. i have to talk things over before i decide. so the whole 'romance' part of it goes out the window. i know that it is better this way, so no surprises when we are on the same page. but i've missed the butterflies that come along with the big steps. i hear and read enough about others who didn't talk it out to death first and then things don't turn out with a happy ending. but man. must i be so type A??

i worry about where i am going to store my stuff. the things i can't bring with me besides my clothes cause that pretty much is all i will have with me. i try not to think about the state of the apartment and how it just wouldn't be the way it would be if i could help it. but that's just the monica in me. i worry about nowhere to turn if trevor and i have a fight. i no longer have my "own" place. which is another thing. i hate the plumbing, but i will miss my place.

the thing that also bugs me is that they think now i "don't have an excuse" for making time with family, friends and trevor. it was never an excuse. it's a 2 way street and it bugged me that i was the one always doing the travelling. they have a car, i don't. it's not easy to visit friends in white rock. or to see family every weekend. how often do they want me there anyway? when i do come over, everyone does their own thing and i end up just watching tv. i visit once a month. if they really want to see me, why don't they come visit me? how come we don't see eye to eye on this? and do they want to just see me and not trevor? easy for them since they live or practically live with their other halves.

when i say i can't do something for family - usually it involves going somewhere far, i feel bad. i DON'T have a car. but even if i did, i would still be the one doing the driving and visiting. how does that work? sometimes i feel ungrateful that i don't drop everything to accomodate them. but must i?

i want to stop being whiny and stressed. but i can only control my situation.

what am i doing wrong?

ok, i haven't really talked about the move. that will have to be another post.