so what is different this year? a whole year went by and did i do anything different like i said i would? am i a better person? am i happy? or am i just a broken record that needs to be thrown out?

do you know how this makes me feel? i feel like i want to 'shed' this.. thing. whatever it is that gets me down. i keep saying i can't. do i want to? well, of course i do. i don't enjoy reading crap that i write all the time. for once, i would like to read something funny that i wrote. something different. man, it always has to be something different!

i've stopped going to the library.
i've stopped reading books, but this was a while ago. i just stopped all of a sudden.
i've stopped doing a lot of things and i sometimes can't remember what makes me who i am.

i remember clearly, 2 years ago.. i felt like i couldn't get up and the weight just kept pushing me down. i shouldn't let a person make me feel that way, but that person did. i was so down, so low. and i haven't been able to get up and brush myself off. i'm still on my knees and it's so hard to stand up. it wasn't just a broken heart. it wasn't just about my first love. it made me a different person. a really negative one. i want to get rid of her.