Donating blood is a personal choice. I am not going to force anyone to do it, but I WILL encourage people who have never done it before to try it out first. What really bugs me is that, there are people out there who have NEVER donated blood – because they are squeamish about it, and that is fine – yet they make up all sorts of stories of how big the needles are, how the needles will scar your arms, complain about how the blood bank does not make it convenient for people to donate - they should open more clinics, how long the wait is when you get there and that the cookies aren’t even great. HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE NEVER DONATED, EVER??? You only get stories from other people who didn’t enjoy their experience so they exaggerate what they went through to get a laugh. And you pass this on to scare others who want to do it but are hesitant about it. Would you go if there are more clinics? Would you go if you don’t have to wait when you get there? GRRR. Shut up already and be thankful that there ARE people out there who donate. And fucking pray you won’t be needing a transfusion yourself.

happy 31st

e-card from sony:
"regardless of everything that you have gone through for the past 30 years, all the regrets, all the mistakes, all the what ifs and frustrations, all the things you still want to do, you are great NOW, at this very moment because you lived your life exactly the way you want it"

i'm touched.

so it is 917am now. i've been up since 730. actually, didn't really sleep much. had to sleep on the couch to get some shut eye but woke up every hour. finally, went back to the room at 730 but just lay there for almost 2 hours. gave up and got up. don't really want to spend all day in bed even though i have no plans for today. forecast is rain and it is cold and gloomy out. gonna take a shower and read my book.

31st huh? don't really have much to say at the moment. we'll see later on tonight.

so what is different this year? a whole year went by and did i do anything different like i said i would? am i a better person? am i happy? or am i just a broken record that needs to be thrown out?

do you know how this makes me feel? i feel like i want to 'shed' this.. thing. whatever it is that gets me down. i keep saying i can't. do i want to? well, of course i do. i don't enjoy reading crap that i write all the time. for once, i would like to read something funny that i wrote. something different. man, it always has to be something different!

i've stopped going to the library.
i've stopped reading books, but this was a while ago. i just stopped all of a sudden.
i've stopped doing a lot of things and i sometimes can't remember what makes me who i am.

i remember clearly, 2 years ago.. i felt like i couldn't get up and the weight just kept pushing me down. i shouldn't let a person make me feel that way, but that person did. i was so down, so low. and i haven't been able to get up and brush myself off. i'm still on my knees and it's so hard to stand up. it wasn't just a broken heart. it wasn't just about my first love. it made me a different person. a really negative one. i want to get rid of her.