life for rent

i have to say.. sometimes it scares me to think that far ahead. my life has always been a temporary one. i could take off anytime. i had nothing and no one holding me back. i had no responsibilities and everything was just for the moment. i think the reason that i kept finding something wrong is cause.. this thing with trevor is real. and it keeps moving forward and it doesn't look like it has an immediate ending. which is what i have been used to all this time. so i kept fighting it so that if it did end, i can say that, that is how and what is supposed to happen. the more i fight it, the more problems we had, then the less real and less serious this thing is. cause even though i say i want to get married and have kids and all that.. i am scared of it. i am scared of growing up and being an adult and having to be responsible for other people. i am scared that i am not ready, will never be ready and do not know how to do that. that i won't be good enough. i am afraid of getting old and "losing" people and memories. i know that i shouldn't live like that. that i should enjoy being alive. but sometimes i can't help it. i keep thinking there is never enough time. to re-do what i do wrong.


I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologise that once again I’m not in love
But it’s not as if I mind that your heart aint exactly breaking

It’s just a thought, only a thought

And if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I’ve always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live more simply
I have no idea what’s happened to that dream
Cos there’s really nothing left here to stop me

It’s just a thought, only a thought

And if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won’t even try
Well how can I say I’m alive

If my life is for rent…

DIDO