i want so much

things shouldn't have to be complicated. just choose right? one or the other. yes or no. black or white.

i KNOW that things can't stay the same. i just won't accept it. it's not that i CAN'T. priorities change. people change. no matter how much i want them to stay the same. cheryl can't always be around. she has a lot on her plate. and just because i don't get to see or talk to her as often, it doesn't mean that we love each other less. i do miss seeing her every day. i miss talking to her at night about everything and laughing and joking around until 8am. i miss our FFF's.

i miss my brunches with mars. i miss the nights in and watching movies in our pj's.

i miss the midnight snacks - pancakes and bacon - with my family. i miss the dinners. i miss going out with my mom and driving her around. i miss going to the mall and looking around.

it's hard to want to be in two places at the same time. to want more than one thing at once. i want time with trevor. i want time with my friends. i want time with my family. i don't get to see him often during the week so i'd like to see him on the weekends. and two days in the week seems too short to want all these things.

but that's what growing up is about isn't it? cutting ties. choosing. balancing.