“This is the last time you will all be together, after today you will never see some of these people again”. Sometimes in life you just do not know when that day will come.
-greg bryson
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Thursday, July 05, 2007
will i ever be ok with the drinking?
it's the binge drinking and succumbing to peer pressure that get to me. and the health consequences that no one else seems to worry about.
how can we teach our future kids about peer pressure if you can't be a good example?
poster children for eharmony.com we're not
it's the binge drinking and succumbing to peer pressure that get to me. and the health consequences that no one else seems to worry about.
how can we teach our future kids about peer pressure if you can't be a good example?
poster children for eharmony.com we're not
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
well... it's been a while since i did this and so much has happened. guess i'll have to do a coles notes version for the update.
april
- all 4 wisdom teeth pulled out (still none the wiser)
- LOTS of complications that followed
may
- got laid off
- trevor asked me to move in
june
- still haven't found a job
- stressing out over the move
THE MOVE
i'm too practical, is what it is. i have to talk things over before i decide. so the whole 'romance' part of it goes out the window. i know that it is better this way, so no surprises when we are on the same page. but i've missed the butterflies that come along with the big steps. i hear and read enough about others who didn't talk it out to death first and then things don't turn out with a happy ending. but man. must i be so type A??
i worry about where i am going to store my stuff. the things i can't bring with me besides my clothes cause that pretty much is all i will have with me. i try not to think about the state of the apartment and how it just wouldn't be the way it would be if i could help it. but that's just the monica in me. i worry about nowhere to turn if trevor and i have a fight. i no longer have my "own" place. which is another thing. i hate the plumbing, but i will miss my place.
the thing that also bugs me is that they think now i "don't have an excuse" for making time with family, friends and trevor. it was never an excuse. it's a 2 way street and it bugged me that i was the one always doing the travelling. they have a car, i don't. it's not easy to visit friends in white rock. or to see family every weekend. how often do they want me there anyway? when i do come over, everyone does their own thing and i end up just watching tv. i visit once a month. if they really want to see me, why don't they come visit me? how come we don't see eye to eye on this? and do they want to just see me and not trevor? easy for them since they live or practically live with their other halves.
when i say i can't do something for family - usually it involves going somewhere far, i feel bad. i DON'T have a car. but even if i did, i would still be the one doing the driving and visiting. how does that work? sometimes i feel ungrateful that i don't drop everything to accomodate them. but must i?
i want to stop being whiny and stressed. but i can only control my situation.
what am i doing wrong?
ok, i haven't really talked about the move. that will have to be another post.
april
- all 4 wisdom teeth pulled out (still none the wiser)
- LOTS of complications that followed
may
- got laid off
- trevor asked me to move in
june
- still haven't found a job
- stressing out over the move
THE MOVE
i'm too practical, is what it is. i have to talk things over before i decide. so the whole 'romance' part of it goes out the window. i know that it is better this way, so no surprises when we are on the same page. but i've missed the butterflies that come along with the big steps. i hear and read enough about others who didn't talk it out to death first and then things don't turn out with a happy ending. but man. must i be so type A??
i worry about where i am going to store my stuff. the things i can't bring with me besides my clothes cause that pretty much is all i will have with me. i try not to think about the state of the apartment and how it just wouldn't be the way it would be if i could help it. but that's just the monica in me. i worry about nowhere to turn if trevor and i have a fight. i no longer have my "own" place. which is another thing. i hate the plumbing, but i will miss my place.
the thing that also bugs me is that they think now i "don't have an excuse" for making time with family, friends and trevor. it was never an excuse. it's a 2 way street and it bugged me that i was the one always doing the travelling. they have a car, i don't. it's not easy to visit friends in white rock. or to see family every weekend. how often do they want me there anyway? when i do come over, everyone does their own thing and i end up just watching tv. i visit once a month. if they really want to see me, why don't they come visit me? how come we don't see eye to eye on this? and do they want to just see me and not trevor? easy for them since they live or practically live with their other halves.
when i say i can't do something for family - usually it involves going somewhere far, i feel bad. i DON'T have a car. but even if i did, i would still be the one doing the driving and visiting. how does that work? sometimes i feel ungrateful that i don't drop everything to accomodate them. but must i?
i want to stop being whiny and stressed. but i can only control my situation.
what am i doing wrong?
ok, i haven't really talked about the move. that will have to be another post.
Monday, March 12, 2007
everybody's free.. to wear sunscreen
i've always loved this "song". well, speech actually. we all think and know this, yet not everyone practices it. i'd like to add to it. better yet, i'll make my own. one day.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
baz luhrmann
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
baz luhrmann
unwell
All day Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
matchbox 20
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
matchbox 20
Thursday, March 01, 2007
I guess that’s just the reality of it.. once you live with someone for a while, you don’t mind it if they go away for a bit – on business or an overnight trip. There was chatter this morning about how one girl said it will be really hard for her when her boyfriend leaves for 3 weeks on business. Someone made an emphatic comment “you don’t live together do you?” and the tone of that question said it all. She said that when her husband goes away, her first reaction is: “yes, I get the bed to myself!” and another said the same thing. They don’t mind at all when their husband/boyfriend goes away. And I know that is normal. I just dread the day when I say to myself, “I’m sick of you being around so much, I am so glad you are leaving”.
Perhaps I am being naïve. But is it bad to not want to feel that way towards someone? To anyone?
Perhaps I am being naïve. But is it bad to not want to feel that way towards someone? To anyone?
Friday, February 23, 2007
Donating blood is a personal choice. I am not going to force anyone to do it, but I WILL encourage people who have never done it before to try it out first. What really bugs me is that, there are people out there who have NEVER donated blood – because they are squeamish about it, and that is fine – yet they make up all sorts of stories of how big the needles are, how the needles will scar your arms, complain about how the blood bank does not make it convenient for people to donate - they should open more clinics, how long the wait is when you get there and that the cookies aren’t even great. HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE NEVER DONATED, EVER??? You only get stories from other people who didn’t enjoy their experience so they exaggerate what they went through to get a laugh. And you pass this on to scare others who want to do it but are hesitant about it. Would you go if there are more clinics? Would you go if you don’t have to wait when you get there? GRRR. Shut up already and be thankful that there ARE people out there who donate. And fucking pray you won’t be needing a transfusion yourself.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
happy 31st
e-card from sony:
"regardless of everything that you have gone through for the past 30 years, all the regrets, all the mistakes, all the what ifs and frustrations, all the things you still want to do, you are great NOW, at this very moment because you lived your life exactly the way you want it"
i'm touched.
so it is 917am now. i've been up since 730. actually, didn't really sleep much. had to sleep on the couch to get some shut eye but woke up every hour. finally, went back to the room at 730 but just lay there for almost 2 hours. gave up and got up. don't really want to spend all day in bed even though i have no plans for today. forecast is rain and it is cold and gloomy out. gonna take a shower and read my book.
31st huh? don't really have much to say at the moment. we'll see later on tonight.
"regardless of everything that you have gone through for the past 30 years, all the regrets, all the mistakes, all the what ifs and frustrations, all the things you still want to do, you are great NOW, at this very moment because you lived your life exactly the way you want it"
i'm touched.
so it is 917am now. i've been up since 730. actually, didn't really sleep much. had to sleep on the couch to get some shut eye but woke up every hour. finally, went back to the room at 730 but just lay there for almost 2 hours. gave up and got up. don't really want to spend all day in bed even though i have no plans for today. forecast is rain and it is cold and gloomy out. gonna take a shower and read my book.
31st huh? don't really have much to say at the moment. we'll see later on tonight.
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