write about something else

i keep hearing and reading about how a person, by the time they hit their 30's knows who they are and what they want and where they are going. a sense of self. i thought i did. i thought i knew what i wanted and who i am. but lately, i have been told to change my outlook and the way i feel and see things.

i love my family. they drive me crazy, but i love them and i miss them ever since i moved out. that is the trade off for wanting independence. not being able to have family dinners all the time. not seeing my sister or going for brunches on weekends. not being able to join conversations. even feel left out with the wedding. i wanted trevor to get to know my family more so by the time september comes, everyone would be comfortable with each other. i was hurt that mars and lou decided to go wedding dress shopping without me. i know she isn't my sister, but i keep hearing how close we are and how we are like sisters, yet i wasn't asked to go the first time.

i suppose it all comes down to me expecting people to react the same way i do. i try to imagine how i would feel or what i would want when something happens or when i do something. that whole 'do unto others' mantra. maybe i am just too nice? too polite? too courteous? too safe? i DO have a backbone. i do know when to say no. don't i?